HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror.
Make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 min utes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Part 2: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her while making the woo-woo sound.
Look at your manly phys ique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse the snot off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because the curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.
Throw wet towel on her pillow.
If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this,
there is something SO very wrong with you. Have a great day!
Thursday, March 20, 2008
does happiness exsist?
this is a blog of a friends of mine and then the reply i wrote her that way in case anyone else is questioning this.
QUESTION/BLOG
I can honestly say that today has made the list of the "Top 5 Worst Days of My Life". It started out bad and only got worse. I have never been so unhappy. Ever. But this day has given me some wisdom.
I wish I could find a guy to hold me in his arms and tell me everything will be alright. And mean it. How hard can it be to find true happiness? But does happiness ever exist? What is happiness? To be truly happy is to want nothing more because you are more than satisfied with what you have. When do we reach a point where there is nothing left to want? But even those who have everything they want still want more. So does happiness exist? Or is it just an idea that can never truly come to be?
If anyone has an answer to this, please let me in on the secret. I’d pay to find out the secrety to true happiness. Also, if you believe that you hold the key to my happiness, please do not hesitate to tell me. If my Prince Charming is out there, let me know. Maybe that would lead me to true happiness. Just maybe, if such a thing even exists.
REPLY
i used to feel the same way you do. then i took a chance. and now i am the happiest i have been and will EVER be in my entire life. you just have to take a chance and dont hold any grudges. you have to be willing to let someone in even if you dont feel strong enough to handle all the butterflies and worries again. bc once you do. that person will see who you really are bc you allowed then to see you at your weakest, lowest...and from then on that bond will be so strong. you couldnt ask for anything more...bc theyre giving you their all. it'll happen...when you least expect it to. you just have to let it happen. you caint be guarded, caint let your past experiences jade you...you have to LET it be...life, regardless of religion, has its own mind. and if you dont live it, it wont happen...if you dont take risks and take chances youll never know how far you couldve gone...or who you couldve become. and you dont need ANYONE or ANYTHING to be happy. just you. just live. and itll come. destiny will come around, but if you dont give her a chance, she doesnt come back for you....and if she does. consider yourself lucky. so talk to new people. meet someone new. try a new food...join a DIFFERENT club! do something out of the ordinary that youve secretly always wanted to do...and see where it leads you. live with no regrets, grudges. and dont let anythign slide by because it might be your next biggest adventure. dont give up and do your best...when you do that. youll be happy and satisfied bc theres nothing more you have to take that life has to give and youll know your life is GREAT! and in the end...youll see that the troubles and the struggles make the best moments even richer and leave an even sweeter memory on your life.
QUESTION/BLOG
I can honestly say that today has made the list of the "Top 5 Worst Days of My Life". It started out bad and only got worse. I have never been so unhappy. Ever. But this day has given me some wisdom.
I wish I could find a guy to hold me in his arms and tell me everything will be alright. And mean it. How hard can it be to find true happiness? But does happiness ever exist? What is happiness? To be truly happy is to want nothing more because you are more than satisfied with what you have. When do we reach a point where there is nothing left to want? But even those who have everything they want still want more. So does happiness exist? Or is it just an idea that can never truly come to be?
If anyone has an answer to this, please let me in on the secret. I’d pay to find out the secrety to true happiness. Also, if you believe that you hold the key to my happiness, please do not hesitate to tell me. If my Prince Charming is out there, let me know. Maybe that would lead me to true happiness. Just maybe, if such a thing even exists.
REPLY
i used to feel the same way you do. then i took a chance. and now i am the happiest i have been and will EVER be in my entire life. you just have to take a chance and dont hold any grudges. you have to be willing to let someone in even if you dont feel strong enough to handle all the butterflies and worries again. bc once you do. that person will see who you really are bc you allowed then to see you at your weakest, lowest...and from then on that bond will be so strong. you couldnt ask for anything more...bc theyre giving you their all. it'll happen...when you least expect it to. you just have to let it happen. you caint be guarded, caint let your past experiences jade you...you have to LET it be...life, regardless of religion, has its own mind. and if you dont live it, it wont happen...if you dont take risks and take chances youll never know how far you couldve gone...or who you couldve become. and you dont need ANYONE or ANYTHING to be happy. just you. just live. and itll come. destiny will come around, but if you dont give her a chance, she doesnt come back for you....and if she does. consider yourself lucky. so talk to new people. meet someone new. try a new food...join a DIFFERENT club! do something out of the ordinary that youve secretly always wanted to do...and see where it leads you. live with no regrets, grudges. and dont let anythign slide by because it might be your next biggest adventure. dont give up and do your best...when you do that. youll be happy and satisfied bc theres nothing more you have to take that life has to give and youll know your life is GREAT! and in the end...youll see that the troubles and the struggles make the best moments even richer and leave an even sweeter memory on your life.
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